DEJA VU..

lately,, ive been gettin even more closer with my boyfriend Carlo
and we was very close to breaking up cos of him doin somethin dat broke my heart knowing it would be the old him..
so that broke my heart but afta dat i forgave him and i fell for him even more
but 2day.. the mornin carlo came over like @ 3am and we jst layed in my bedroom for over 3hours den he went home.. this very early mornin .. ive actually fallen deep in love with him ..
i never wanted to fall in LOVE wif a guy after jonathon .. i was either never gona try or give them even a lil .. but carlo broke that chain.. and i felt love agen.. with him

yet we went to my brother orientation 2day .. @ my highschool - BLEH!
and after dat i saw carlo we had lunch 2getha den went baq 2 me place agen
and we was plannin 2 watch the movie - P.S I LOVE YOU
we watched the beginin of it only then we jst started tlking bout alot of other fings..
but then i fell asleep.. and my rents came and carlo had 2 sneak outside and oh fuck my heart was racing ):
cos i knew if my stepdad caught him over .. i would be dead for sure!
so luckily carlo got out and he didnt get caught.. and we almost got away with it ..
untill my brother fucking snitched on me ):
tellin my stepdad kiaras boyfriend is outside and my stepdad was gona go after him ..
oh gosh i felt so scared i wanted 2 cry luckily i held my dad baq from the door
just me and him havin huge arguements i had to lie saying it was my friend and dat FRIENDS came over not just one..
but had the massaive arguement then with my mum.. her just judging carlo and his baqground cos he is assyrian lets face it they all have bad names ,, even the good ones
and her telling me he is never going to take u serious!
his family would never accept you!
he would never marry you cos his family wont allow it and also he is only afta one thing - sex ! =="
then her sayin i betrayed her and my stepdad by going with an assyrian cos they both dont like those people ..
oh gosh then her jst telling me to end it ..
but the fing is she dont get im HAPPY again cos of him!
he helps me thru my sadness ! he always dere 4 me to talk 2 him - way more than my own mother
and her sayin dat jst hurt me so much .. cos she doesnt understand iam happy..
no lies i hvnt been this happy in a long time.. knowin i can take him serious ,, knowin he loves me baq , knowin he knows me better than i know myself
he understand me ..

i dont know what to do ..
if i end it i wont be happy for sure.. not for awhile
then wat does this achieve?
her happy dat im unhappy not havin carlo dere 4 me , dat me and him not togetha no more..
same things sorta happend with jonathon
and yeah we didnt stay together forever like we wished
but he did let me learn heaps of things
but we did fall cos of my family how my mum judge him afta a situation happnd
and jonathon did feel uncomfortable comin over also cos of stepdad..
i wish i had those families dat did NOT judge
dat accepted the person not there nash!
:(:(

why couldnt my family be like that..

i need time for a serious thinking.. cos i love carlo
but i know my mum she wont stop till she see us not 2getha anymore..
*sighs*

just like deja vu .. once agen.. :(